The Genderbending of Haruhi Suzumiya
by Bubblemints
Summary: "Kyonko, Itsuko, Mitsuru, and Yuuki, huh?" Haruhi pondered this a moment, "I'll have to call myself Haruki then!" - Haruhi and the SOS Brigade are genderbent because of Ryoko Asakura! But is it really Ryoko's work, or is it someone greater...? / Kyon's PoV
1. Prologue

**Haruhi Suzumiya Series © Nagaru Tanigawa & Noizi Ito  
**I do not claim any of the characters when I write this. I am writing this story for entertainment purposes only.

* * *

**The Genderbending of Haruhi Suzumiya**

**TMoHS Fic**

**Prologue:**

_ Beep! Beep! Beep!_

An eye twitched open, only one at first. Somehow, I mustered the strength to open the other. My vision was fogged, but I could still see the mechanical clock sitting where it always sat.

_That damn alarm clock…_

I reached towards it. My hand wavered idly up in the air for only a second before dropping back beside me. My eyes closed again, stinging and too watery to see with. I swiped at it once, twice… maybe if I could hit it… If I didn't manage to shut it off, at least I would forever silence it.

I shifted, turning over on my side to get a better angle, and instantly regretted it. A wave of nausea overtook me for a few seconds, and I had to take a moment to recover. Afterward, I started again, still trying to shut it off after a few minutes.

I reached towards where my alarm clock always sat and slowly opened my eyes to look at it. I quickly closed them; my eyes were too watery to see and they stung. I decided to just swipe at it in hopes of hitting it. This swiping turned to swatting, and then the swatting grew more and more desperate.

I blame Haruhi. My muscles were stiff and cramped from a dog chase yesterday. It had looked a little too "suspicious" for her, so the SOS Brigade was ordered to hunt it down and demand answers. Of course, I wasn't one for dog chases, nor was I the one to _question _those same dogs; it all seemed like childish horseplay, blurred into one, sweaty afternoon.

_I'll **kill **Haruhi if it's the last thing I ever do..._

I let my arm fall back to my side again in failure, and I resorted to the pillow technique, pressing one over my face. It succeeded in muffling the sound… for a while…

After I had felt myself beginning to drift back into dreamland, the cell phone started ringing. I knew just who it was, too. Today was a meeting with the SOS Brigade, just as every day had become if school wasn't in session—and even every moment _in between _school hours.

Huffing irritably, I forced myself from bed, more rolling than anything. _Again, stomach?_, I had said to myself, clutching a hand to my stomach as nausea took its five second-long toll. My eyes opened, and I hoisted myself from the floor. My legs were shaky for some reason or another, and my stomach was still giving me grief. Sluggishly, I went to my desk, where the cell phone laid, and took care of the alarm clock's blaring on the way there.

I picked up the cell phone, feeling the beginnings of a pulsing headache as I looked over the number. The headache wasn't horrible, but it _was _annoying. Not as annoying as the owner of the calling number, I had to admit, but still rather irritating. I let my patience, hardened by the SOS Brigade, take care of my urge to run for pills. My attention lingered back to the cell phone, and I braced myself as I answered it, positive that my headache would only worsen.

I answered the phone and was about to say "hello" when the piercing bark of Haruhi came to my ears. I quickly brought the cell phone away as she went on and on. Death penalty _this_, extra activities _that_, and whatever other nonsense I usually didn't listen to. When I heard her voice quiet down, I brought the phone back to my ear.

"Kyon, if you don't hurry up and get your ass down here, I'll make you buy drinks for the Brigade for the _entire _school year! Do you understand me?!" I heard her exclaim before the dial tones. I allowed myself a sigh as I put the phone down, closing my eyes. I knew it wouldn't really matter if I tried to rush. Haruhi would demand I receive a penalty anyways, based on the first thought that came to mind. If I tried to explain, she would only ignore me, so what _was _the point?

What a reasonable woman, huh?


	2. Chapter 1: Aching Muscles and Headaches

**Haruhi Suzumiya Series © Nagaru Tanigawa & Noizi Ito  
**I do not claim any of the characters when I write this. I am writing this story for entertainment purposes only.

* * *

**The Genderbending of Haruhi Suzumiya**

**TMoHS Fic**

**Chapter 1:**

By the time I had left the house, my head was pounding despite the medicine I took for it. I went to my bike, brought my bag's strap over my shoulders, and started pedaling.

Gingerly, I rode down the streets. Sure, going slow _would _fuel Haruhi's anger, but my body wasn't willing to ride any faster. My legs still hurt from the "Suspicious Pet Chase", and my arms had all but given up, cramped now from riding this bike. I could tell I was ill, and I knew should've told someone about it. _All but Haruhi, that is. _

As I turned a corner, I saw the Brigade standing at the usual spot, all four of them—Itsuki Koizumi, Yuki Nagato, Mikuru Asahina, and Haruhi Suzumiya. Haruhi gave me a big "thumbs-down" when I got there, but I didn't particularly care. I didn't care enough to be irritated, nor did I care at all about the lining of disappointment and anger on the SOS Brigade leader's face.

I parked my bike nearby and sluggishly walked over to them, barely lifting my feet from the ground as I moved. My whole body felt shaky, and I had already begun to sweat. I didn't feel good at all… not that Haruhi noticed.

"What did I tell you, Kyon? Idiot! What the hell took you so long?!" Haruhi shouted, placing her hands at her hips and tapping a foot as if she were _still _waiting. I forced a small smile, as if I was actually happy to be there, and shrugged my shoulders.

"I don't know," I told her, yawning blithely, "I guess I—" No, I guess I wasn't expecting her to listen… or let me finish, for that matter.

"There is absolutely _no _excuse for being so late! I'm your Brigade leader. Shouldn't you give me more respect than this?!" She folded her arms and pouted before looking away, as if she were disgusted with me. She very well could have been. "You're so disgraceful."

I heard a light whimpering sound from Miss Asahina (Which made my headache feel _ten times _better, I must add!), and everyone looked to her. When she'd finally sucked back the tiny tears that were building in her eyes, she managed to mutter a few words. "K-Kyon," her tone was worried and scared, "you don't l-look very healthy…" Miss Asahina would've continued with an apology, just to tell me she hadn't meant any offense in what she said most likely, but Koizumi spoke up. His voice was just as concerned as Miss Asahina's, and the look on his face gave my stomach an uncomfortable squeeze.

"I'll have to agree with Miss Asahina," he replied, eyes quickly skimming over my face. I could feel his odd, twinkling eyes peering, perhaps, straight through me and into my very soul. "You look pale, Kyon." That caught me off guard. I was… pale? I would need a mirror to double-check, but I certainly didn't remember looking pale this morning. Before I could say anything in reply, the monotone voice of Yuki caught my, and everyone else's, attention.

"Agreed," was all before her lips, only slightly, turned downward. She wasn't frowning, was she?

At the same time, Haruhi released a low groan, closing her eyes to think. We all stood there in silence as she did, waiting as she did, and perhaps all of us thinking as she did. All with the exception of me, that is. I was too focused on trying to stay conscious to think. I felt myself becoming dizzier by the second, and my insides were in knots.

"So… Kyon's sick, huh?" Haruhi mumbled. _Yes, Captain Obvious, good observation_, I had thought instantaneously, putting a hand to my forehead. That headache was starting to pain again, and I could feel my eardrums throbbing.

Haruhi let out a long exaggerated sigh before continuing, "I _guess _he can't investigate with us today…" That almost made me laugh, and if I would've had the humor to do so, I might have started snickering already. With a dramatic gesture, a finger point, she started shouting again. This made my headache flare up in furiously, and I felt my consciousness slipping. I could hardly hear what she was saying. "Go home and get some rest! When you get better, you have to do a whole search _with me_! That way, I can make sure you aren't horsing around like… Understand?!"

She hesitated, staring at me expectantly, before taking a step closer. "Kyon?" she called, voice still as loud as wailing sirens, "Kyon… Are you even listening to me?!"

I didn't react.

By now, my eyes had started going in and out of focus, like someone was trying to focus them like a camera lens. My legs faltered, and I felt myself beginning to fall. The last thing I heard was Haruhi shouting my name before everything faded into nothing.


	3. Chapter 2: Ryoko's Return

**Haruhi Suzumiya Series © Nagaru Tanigawa & Noizi Ito  
**I do not claim any of the characters when I write this. I am writing this story for entertainment purposes only.

* * *

**The Genderbending of Haruhi Suzumiya**

**TMoHS Fic**

**Chapter 2:**

_It was dark._

I heard voices all around me, little murmurs. Tiny shadowy _things_, the owners of the voices, were by my feet, next to my face, against my neck… _everywhere_. I shivered with every touch they made to my skin. They felt like ice.

I heard footsteps, too, coming sluggishly towards me in an agonizing leisure. The shadows were scared by these footsteps and ran off, making twisted and warped screeches. Their screeching whispers became louder and louder, forcing me to grasp my hands over my ears to block them out.

And then the uproar dissolved into silence.

I turned to look at them, but all I saw was one. I'll never forget those _red eyes_—harsh and unforgiving, like the freshly spilled blood their color represented.

When the eyes faded, I felt a coiling in my stomach. _The footsteps had stopped. _I looked back to where the sound of those footsteps had been coming from before, and there was nothing. Moments later, someone's arms rounded my stomach, and someone's breath ran hot on my neck.

"Hi, Kyon-kun… Remember me?" A voice. I _knew _that voice. She was the one who almost _killed _me.

"Ryoko…" I muttered coldly, and my voice rose, "Ryoko Asakura!" Realization flickered like a light in my head. "Aren't you supposed to be—?"

"Deleted? Destroyed? …_Dead?_" she began, cutting me off as she let her arms fall from my shoulders. She stepped in front of me, eyes gleaming red like the shadowy creatures of before. Was she… _one of them? _Or maybe she was more of a leader. "Yes, I suppose I was, or at least from the physical world." She turned to me, smiling like she had every day of school, where most of the male students drooled at her presence and could only dream of dating her. She was smiling like the time when she lived a **lie**.

Ryoko stepped towards me then, and now we were face-to-face. I could see both corners of her lips turned up in a smile, the light flush upon her cheeks, and the glittery blood color of her eyes. Every inch of skin upon her face was in full detail, and yet she seemed an illusion at the same time.

She brought her hand towards me, laying it upon my chest and snaking it up to my shirt collar. In a swift jerk, she grasped the shirt collar and hiked me up so that I looked directly into her unsympathetic eyes.

"Before I was defeated and destroyed by Yuki, another entity transferred my programming to their base." Her head tilted slightly, and her smile darkened to a frown. "They saw things _my _way, but they hadn't the means to interact with humans."

Ryoko was silent for a moment, her eyes wandering down and her hand loosening on my shirt. Perhaps, she was waiting for a reply, a remark… even a plea for mercy, but I didn't provide any of those. I was too confused to talk. I didn't understand any of this, so all I could do was shiver at her menacing expression and the tundra-like cold of this dark, empty place.

Ryoko started laughing.

My eyes snapped back to her, having wandered away, and she released my shirt. She held her stomach as she laughed that pretty laugh of hers. Anyone at my school would have died to hear it.

Ha… Did I say _die _for?

"What's the matter, Kyon?" she questioned just after her laughing stopped abruptly. She wiped her eyes. "Still confused? …Scared maybe?" I shook my head, and she released a light_ Ha! _before shaking her head. "Oh, don't be stubborn… You **_know_** you are." She waited expectantly for me to do something, so I took this time to try and make sense of the jumble of words in my head.

"Let me get this straight," I stumbled to say. "You were deleted… but you were recovered by someone else?"

She nodded, "Yes… yes… That's correct. You're very bright, Kyon."

She went to say something else, opening her mouth and then closing it again. Everything around us was becoming brighter, slowly becoming blinding.

"Bright," she repeated before looking around and releasing a sigh. "Well, it seems I'm out of time." She smiled at me again, her teeth and eyes shimmery and white. "I'll see you very soon, Kyon!"

I shielded my eyes and shouted a, "Ryoko, _wait_! Come back!" into the increasing light. Ryoko walked away, turning back to me only one last time to wave.

"Bye-bye!"

…Everything grew brighter and brighter until I couldn't see Ryoko anymore…


End file.
